Then when the Twitter revolution of 08 came to pass I thought I’d give it a go. I signed up and made a couple of ‘Tweets’, but put that little exercise on hold when I found that Big Brother winner Kate Lawler who I was working with at the time at Kerrang Radio followed my lead, signed up and accelerated to over 10 000 followers in about a week. I had four. One was my mum.

And so it stayed in stasis till I got binned off from Kerrang and found myself sat around in my pants in my flat in Birmingham, and I decided that maybe twittering would get me out of my funk, at the very least it would be free therapy. I also realised I could blag free games from PR companies with a big GTwitter following.

And so I came to learn twitter is a fantastic medium. Something that has been proved by countless previous articles on its power to connect the world in 140 character. From circumnavigating oppressive regimes in Iran as well as also circumnavigating the slightly more oppressive regimes in PR representatives of the worlds A lists but being the fanzine of our times. The jungle drums for those with week wrists.

So I have Twittered like a JustinBieber fan (@JustinBieber, 1.5 million followers and growing) sometimes spending whole evening while in bed waiting sleep to take me creating mini comic 140 character novels. Non syllable specific haikus of such delicacy that it gets ‘me‘ across in such tight literary circumstances. They say boundaries help the most creative of minds.

And what has this feat of lyrical writing done for me?

174 followers. I did have 176 yesterday but I seem to have lost 2 overnight (maybe my comment on Gillian Anderson winning the worlds sexiest woman title was down to equal opportunities went down badly with the X-files contingent of my flock. Or maybe they were ginger)

So, as a Twitter Nobody with an ego to service I beseech you to follow me. Or at least until I overtake Kate Lawler.

Twitter.com/OJBorg

If you fancy the first then you can click through to Mixcloud and its up there – this ones better though!

This link involves me in saggy underpants – you have been warned.

the main problem that critics say that it mean that commercial programs are skewed around a particular product and that Kids will be targeted with harmful marketing. And to a sense I agree with this argument. Problem is that at the moment the commercial TV industry (the Beeb has its own problems.. although it does still have the folding cash) is in such a start that it needs all the fillips it can get and if this brings in extra revenue that is then invested in more programs then it can’t be such a problem can it?

This is that there is currently some blatat product placement going on in Celebrity Big Brother with Cisco, Heidi Fleiss and Steven ‘Pisseyes’ Baldwin representing respectively Rap, Prostitution and Christianity…. problem is they are’nt really doing any of their industries any good.

I have spent my life doing stupid thing that hurt me. From jumping off things, to coming off flumes in odd ways, to falling out of shopping trollies drunk (obviously this was as a lout teenager not a shit faced toddler – as a toddler I was only on the crack) I’ve designed new, proto type ways to cause pain to your self.

I topped even my most creative self destructive tendencies last night by managing to punch myself in the onion bag – yep thats right. Myself. What. A. Twat. in the goolies, the nads, the jewels etc
astro
How i did this would confuse even the most intelligent physicist – Even Messier S Hawkins would struggle to explain the dynamics, but then he’d struggle explain most things unless you had a lot of time on your (yes I’m going to hell etc)it involve trying to move the quilt in the night, being too warm and fists slipping off cotton. Basically I managed to full on knuckle one of my lower man knuckles.

and it was a full shot. and only men can understand the waves of pain that course though the body when these little, friendly lumps get twanged.

Ow. Owwwy owwwy ow ow.

Now you see in my life I’ve not done too badly with the not getting one in the bags. Until recently developing the ability to do it in my sleep. Is this the punishment I get for my nads being vaguely untouched. Cheers god.

So all I shall say is that I have bought my copy – go boys go. Hope they play the sweary version on Radio 1.

Break out the soap.

EDIT!

GO ON MY SONS! Now where is me free gig ticket for buying the song I already had?

There was still a whole host of other fights to and I’ll start my round up with the Heavy Weight Grand Prix Final as Ben Smith took on Wayne Weaver, and it turned out to be one of the fights of the night. Ben smith looked to take down Wane straight away and after moving through a couple of positions got a rear mount and proceeded to smash Wayne Weaver about the head for most of round one, how he didn’t submit may be half due to Weavers covering up work and partly due to what ever super material his head was made of. If its the latter I recommend selling part of it to Nasa so they can line the bottom of the new shuttles with it.

I know Smith was shocked that the fight actually made it to the second round considering the pounding he took, but there was a second round and Weaver almost stole it by delivering one mighty knee to Smiths face, Smith didn’t drop so Weaver treated him to another, and another, and a other, but Smith still wasn’t going to drop and reversed the situation by taking Weaver down again and pounding him to submission. AS I said fight of the night and a happy but exhausted Smith accepted the belt and celebrated by yakking the small amount of water his trainer had given him, who says that heavyweights don’t work hard.

Jimi Manuwa defended his light heavyweight title by defeating Thai Boxer Shaun Lomas. Finishing the fight with a not terribly viscous ground and pound, nd a disappointed Lomas rightly pointed out after the fight that he’d taken no damage, but when you have no ground game to talk of and are trying to last out the round by covering your face while your opponent has full mount is never gonna convince the ref to let the contest continue.

In one of the many the Grand Prix tournaments, which all reached their denouement (which I’m told is a posh word for climax) Jamie Hearn came in at a days notice to knock out Tam Kahn with a sweet left right combination then a pushing of the out cold Kahn to the canvas in the Middle weight tournament. He proclaimed after the fight that he was a nice guy for not jumping onto Kahn after he was obviously out, and after seeing what his hands can do, I concurred.

Luke Smiths TKO win in the featherweight grand prix over Wesley Johnson showed the heart of both fighters after Wesley was knocked out what I think was 3 times, braved a barrage of shots and somehow still managed to take down Smith all in the opening seconds of round 1, but Smith held his nerve to finish the fight in the first with a TKO. Johnson can console himself that even though he lost he still as a better discography than Smith. Check out his single here…..

Simon Gill Beat John Kelly with a split decision which got the crowd showing its vocal dissent, and at first look personally I’d have scored it to Kelly, but with hindsight Gill did take Kelly down a number of times and the repeated arm bar attempts did almost come off more than once. As they say never leave it to the judges.

Rounding up the rest of the fights, Michael Pastou, the worlds largest lightweight, beat Mark Glover by unanimous decision, which was hard on Glover, Earl Brown caught Karl Lawrence in a rear naked choke, with Brown claiming post fight that he’d fight anyone any time, including his mother. There’s one for Feb 5th Dave.

Mike Edward’s scored one for the Welsh by beating a determined looking Jake Bostwick who seemed to have it in the bag until he gave up his back and got caught with a rear naked choke and Dyson Roberts survived an early arm bar and heel hook to smash Brett Bassett.

All in all it was a good way to end 2009.

Now its been documented before by more erudite people than I (see what I did there) but when you have something to do its amazing the sheer amount of stuff you can find to do instead. so far this morning rather than do the important work that’ll possibly get me back on the map I’ve…

Put a wash on… and I’ve not even run out of pants, its the bottom of the washing basket wash of the odd colours and things that sit there waiting for days like this

Tidied up the folders on my computer.

Done the washing up

Cleaned the stove – Twice as the first time I noticed more dirt

Cleaned the Toilet bowl – and that really is scraping the barrel (in both senses of the word etc)

Tried on different hats to see if it makes my head look fat

Thrown away the empty sauce pots out of the fridge – do we really need 2 empty mayo containers?

Written this blog – and this is a task I’ve been avoiding of late – I’d write more but seeing the stats every time I log in makes me wonder why I bother – I’m vaguely suspicious that the only views is the ones from me logging in to see if anyone has logged on.

So anyway I’ve exhausted my menial duties, I’m actually gonna bash on with the Demo… although the rugby starts in a minute……

EDIT…

since I wrote this I have changed the hoover bag (it was very easy thanks Henry, Cleaned teh kitchen Floor and put away the spare room sofa bed… oh an I lost my memory stick with all my links on it – turns out it was in the toilet. Of course.)